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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Mia cara Signora Bradley,
the time I spent running after you like a little chick does with his mama... how can I ever forget and not be thankful about it?
Me running after you everywhere we went calling "signora, signora!"... and every single time you stopped to look at me and started your sentence with "Deda...".
You made me feel like I knew who this Deda person was and this Deda person had a meaning, a goal in life.
You have been my delight and my worst nightmare for many weeks.
"Yes, Deda but no Deda!" "Too many details, Deda, they are all shouting!" "You have to prioritize!" "Here, move over..."
The sleepless nights before class, how could I ever forget the anxiety and excitement: "What will I learn tomorrow? What will she say? Did I do this right? I wonder if she'll like it..."
You always said your Anitmated Figure I class was like bootcamp, homework's 3 times as much as normal classes!!! It was never enough for me: tell me more, teach me more, tell me anything. How do I do this? Why doesn't this work? What am I doing wrong?
Then one day you said: I'll fix you... all your problems... we'll fix them.
I so believed and trusted you blindly and I kept running after you "signora! signora!" and you would chuckle and stop and talk to me.
I still have all your sketches in my sketchbook. Your drawing next to mine... I sometimes still need to hear your voice and I go look at them and there you are talking to me.
I can't forget... I was doing all wrong that semester, you knew me from Animated figure II and said: this is not like you!
Oh, I got so many C's... and then, late as usual, because my reactions are always slow... I got it. Everything you had said... I got it and without even realizing it I did apply to my drawings: Well, congratulations Deda!
That's what you said... I didn't know why... but it had started working somehow... but you knew it would happen, didn't you? You knew me too well.
"Deda is a humanist she likes to tell stories..." Am I?
"Deda likes to draw children.." Do I?
"Deda is picky!" Oh.. really?
And that's why I followed you everywhere... what else do you know? Tell me more... do my drawings talk about me much more than I could do? What do they tell you? Who am I?

I got lost after graduation... I got lost a bit. I kept drawing and I went back to show you and you said: it's cute... but this isn't you.

This isn't me... then I am gone. Where did I go? Back home, still thinking,wandering, pondering, working on things that could get me enough money to pay bills, the drawings stopped... and while I was getting lost you disappeared.
What am I doing? - then I asked - Why am I wasting her effort? This is not what she thaught me... this is not what she wanted from me! I must draw! I must draw and be me! I must draw and continue to apply all her teachings, everytime I draw she talks to me... when I draw she is still alive, a part of her is.

While thinking, wandering and pondering 5 years had passed... a delayed reaction as usual but I finally got it! I got it now!
Mia cara signora Bradley... I am drawing now... the moment I decided I should draw all kinds of drawings jobs came to me from out there, commercials, advertisements and in the end a series of comics for young girls veeeery much in my own personal style: I get to draw animals, I get to draw kids, the main girl is cute like you always said it should be, the main guy is very handsome, has broad shoulders and is very charming... like you always said it should be. The villain is vicious and malicious, needless to say you mentioned that too. I get to draw costumes and I am doing historical research... it's like your assignment, the final project in your class, but this time it's for real! It's cute and charming... and it's very Deda-like, oh you would love this and I wish I could show it you.. I wouldn't be doing this if it weren't for you! When they offered me the chance I was oh so prepared: I did this before! I know how to do it! She told me!

After so many years I still run after you "Signora! Signora!" and every mark I put down I hear your voice and feel your hand "Deda, you do like this and like that..."
Yes, signora, I am still a little chick that follows you around and I keep on drawing...
I am not letting it go this time around because it seems to me to hear you say "Well, good for you!"

Yeah, good for me... I had you!

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