Dedaland

I'm a bit concerned with my health these days.
The pain in my flank gets sharper and I have to go to see the doctor as soon as I see an opening between jobs.
It might be bad posture... I slouch too much... I might be too tense for some reasons: my muscles take turns and pulsate while I work - the masseter, the trapeze, the left leg. I basically do nothing the whole day why should I be stressed then? I sleep soooo much too.
I think my mind is stuck in a place I don't want. This makes me slower, drags me down... I should see the larger picture: the whole world is going through a crisis.
I should take advantage of the fact to just hang in there and produce and wait for a better moment to put myself out there. If there's one thing I know is that there are no certainties in life... still there were moments where hopes were much higher or things and people seemed more stable and unchangeable. I cannot go back there, it's a place in time not in space therefore I am forced to look forward. I myself decided to burn the ground behind me so I could never look back... I keep doing that. I don't know if I should stop since now I am stuck!
Oh boy am I stuck! I cannot hope this jaded feeling will pass all by itself but at the moment I just can't see...even if IT dropped on my head I cannot see.